Day 2 of 19 of Liquid diet.... and a rant

Well, I made it past my 1st day on all liquids. Not a morsel of food! I did have a s/f 12oz single latte- but I just counted that as my milk for the day. My goal is 800-1000 calories per day- I exceeded that by 52. Not a huge deal! Not like I indulged in Chinese food or a cheeseburger. Which brings me to my rant...


I am just floored at the lack of commitment from some people who will be having surgery! I mean seriously! You made the decision to take this extra step in an effort to be healthy and  lose weight- TAKE IT SERIOUSLY. It's just amazing to me that people think its okay to go off their recommended diets for even a day when they know they aren't supposed to and then they post something on facebook asking for approval from others about how they cheated. NO, its not okay that you had a momentary lapse of judgment and ate solid food when you are on a liquids only diet! Get a freakin' grip! If you cant handle the pre-op diet, you probably aren't going to do very good after surgery either....Okay, I'm stepping off my soap box. It just makes me so dang irritated that people take advantage of this opportunity. I have waited 7 long years for this chance and you better believe I am not going to put this opportunity in jeopardy for just another bite of cheesecake!


I have 18 more days of liquids. It is not going to be easy but I am going to do this. I lived through 17 hours of child birth, an emergency C-section, I have a teenager and a toddler, I can live through this too! I am strong and I am capable.




**Disclaimer** Do not come on MY blog and leave a comment about how I shouldn't care what other people do. This is MY blog, MY Thoughts, MY opinions. Don't like it. Don't read :)

Nutritionist/Shrink appt= DONE!!

Today I met with the nutritionist and the psychiatrist. Everything went well, although I am still a little nervous that we haven't got the confirmation from my insurance yet. They seem to think I shouldn't have any problems because they are supposedly one of the easiest insurance companies to approve bariatric surgery for weight loss. (Fingers Crossed!!)


I started my pre-op diet today:
3-4 protein shakes, broth, tomato soup, s/f popsicles, s/f jello or pudding.


I just had my first shake. It wasn't bad. I added sugar free caramel syrup to it and it made the flavor better. They told me that they usually like to see a 10% weight loss before surgery, however, I only have 2 1/2 weeks to do it so I will be lucky to make half that!


I'm not a fan of shakes but with the syrup they really aren't bad. I haven't gagged yet :)
My next appointment is my Pre-op with my surgeon on Nov. 4th- less than 2 weeks away! OMG!!!

Endoscopy= Success!

This morning I had to be at the hospital at 7:30. I filled out some paperwork, paid my co-pay and they put on my hospital bracelets. I was then taken back to give a urine sample and then put into my room where I changed into a gown. They started an IV and I sat there and waited for about 35 min.


While I was sitting there I started thinking about this entire process and how long I have waited for it. Not once did I question my decision. And that is how I know this is the right decision for me.


Finally, around 8:35 a nurse came and wheeled me into the OR. She attached my blood pressure cuff, sprayed this AWEFULL tasting numbing spray into my mouth (which I gaged on), and then she added the sedative into my IV. They quickly instructed me turn onto my left side and within seconds I was out. I do, however, have one specific short and very fuzzy memory of gagging on the instrument as it went down my esophagus and I believe my doctor told me to swallow. Other than that the next thing I remember I was back in my recovery room waking up.


They found 3 benign ulcers so they did 3 biopsies. I should get the results back in 10 days. Overall, the procedure went well and I was home sleeping within 30 minutes. Other than a lot of grogginess and a little sore throat it wasn't bad.


I meet with the nutritionist and the shrink in two days....3 weeks till surgery!

Endoscopy in 24 hours!! It's gettin'real!

Monday is my endoscopy. I am a little nervous but mostly just want to get this over with. I am starting to feel like this whole process has been way too easy and something is bound to go wrong. I meet with the nutritionist and the psych Dr. Wednesday, and surgery is in 3 weeks!! I am getting super excited and cannot seem to think about much else, really. I have been buying a few things here and there but for the most art I am trying to wait until I hear from the nutritionist so I know what to get.


Oddly enough I am not very sad at the thought of missing food. I really am taking it a lot better than I thought I would. And maybe it just hasn't hit me yet because I know I can still have it now if I want it. I am committed to following my Dr.'s suggestions and NOT cheating around the timeline they are giving me. I have spent my entire life cheating on every diet I've done and I'm not about to go through all of this just to cheat yet again. I have to be patient and trust the process.


I have been looking for a necklace with an anchor pendant on it and engraving "I refuse to sink- 11/10/14" to wear as a reminder of how much I have gone through and that every day I will be faced with challenges- but it's how I choose to handle those challenges that really matters. I can choose to sink, or I can choose to swim. And I will always choose to swim!

I've waited 7 years for this news...

Seven years ago I made an appointment with a weight loss surgeon. I had high hopes of having surgery, losing weight, getting healthy and in turn becoming happy. Unfortunately, my insurance at the time would not cover the surgery. So for the next 7 years I yo-yoed up and down with my weight. Losing 35, gaining 40-losing another 24, gaining 30. Here we are today...I am now on blood pressure medication and have increased cholesterol and higher blood sugar. All which could have been avoided had I been able to have surgery. In some ways I am glad that It didn't happen. I mean it really was a blessing in disguise. Because at the time I was really wanting to have the Lap Band because it was "reversible". Which in my mind meant if anything went wrong it could be taken out and everything would go back to the way it was. 7 years later the surgeon I went to before doesn't even do the band any longer because of the complications they caused and how damaging it was to peoples internal organs.


I went back to that same surgeon to inquire about the sleeve gastrectomy on October 1st. Anticipating a long and drawn out process I was shocked to hear that not only was my insurance one of the best ones to have for bariatric surgery, but they also scheduled my surgery date right then and there. I am in shock and disbelief that things are happening so fast! It's finally my turn! I keep thinking "what's going to go wrong now, there must be something that comes up.


In one week I go in for my endoscopy and I meet with the nutritionist along with the mental health physician. I just can't believe this is all happening finally. I cannot wait to get this over with and start my new life with my new tool. I have been thinking constantly about the struggle it will be to no longer rely food for, well, everything! Its sort of like losing a friend. Food has always been there for me. It's never judged me. It makes me feel a sense of satisfaction. But all of those things have a drawback. With that comes an uncomfortable feeling, an unhealthy body, low self esteem and a dislike for clothes shopping. I'm ready for that to all change! I'm ready to say goodbye to what I once thought was my "friend" and hello to new adventures and building new, healthier relationships with an active lifestyle. I started making a list of all the things I want to do once I lose weight; riding a bike, fitting in roller coasters, climbing the rock wall, sitting with my legs crossed. Some of these things are the simplest things to the average size person but next to impossible for someone who is obese. I will add the list to the side bar and check them off as I complete each one.


This is my last week and a half eating all of the crap that has gotten me here....and so the food funeral begins.

Day 2- The stuggle

Well, yesterday ended with me fighting all the obnoxious voices in my head telling me to eat something I shouldn't. If you have never been overweight then you couldn't possibly relate to these voices. Knowing there is something unhealthy in the house that I can eat makes these voices amplified until I finally give in. Well, not last night. I fought them. HARD. At one point I said screw it and walked over to the kitchen. I remembered we had a package of Twinkies left in the pantry. These Twinkies were not just speaking to me, they were screaming for me. It seemed like the only way to get them out of my head was to eat them. But I didn't. Instead I spread a tablespoon of PB on a half a banana. Craving over.


Today hasn't been as great only because during my attempt at working out my toddler decided he was going to do everything possible to distract me from my workout. He was getting into EVERYTHING! He screamed the entire 50 minutes of my workout yesterday and today I was lucky to get 25 minutes in because of his craziness. UGH. This is why I need a gym membership, so I can concentrate on my workout and only my workout. Twinkies and toddlers. It's just part of the struggle.

Todays workout: Zumba, 25 min.

Meals

Br: 1 c. cheerios, 1/2 banana, 1/4 cup milk

Snack: String cheese, 6 green olives, mandarin oranges

Lunch: iceberg and spinach salad with baked chicken

Snack: Handful of Cheetos, 2 carrots

Dinner: 100% whole wheat bun, spicy veggie chic patty, 1 slice provolone, lettuce.

Snack: 2 Milano cookies

Total calorie count according to MyFitnessPal:

Zero week- My 100 day challenge (DAY 1)

I have been on many diets and have lost weight countless times. I've considered weight loss surgery and used pills and potions I thought would make me thin. As much as I believed those methods would work for me, I didn't completely believe in myself. I didn't commit to myself. Over the last couple of days I have realized that in order to lose weight- regardless of how I choose to do it, I am responsible for every pound lost, bead of sweat, set back, and the end result. Although I have always known that no one can do this for me, it has finally clicked that it is my responsibility. It's my battle, my problem, and my challenge to overcome. Medical intervention may or may not help me. The only person who can do this is me.
Not long ago I found a video of this girl, much like myself. She was overweight and tired of trying various methods only to end up back at square one. She committed to 100 days of working out and in that process lost weight. I can't remember how much weight, but it was significant enough to be noticeable. I have always envied the hard core weight loss bloggers who have dedicated themselves to their commitment and blogged the entire way from fat to healthy. I want that. I want to inspire people. But most of all I want to be healthy...and happy. I have been soul searching over the last few weeks trying to find some type of motivation or belief within myself that I can lose 94 pounds. So, I decided to do my own 100 day challenge. I am challenging myself to eating healthy and exercising for 100 days straight. This first week is zero week because I always sabotage myself at the end of the first week. It takes me a few days to re-adjust my thinking and eating habits when starting a new regimen. Today is day one.
Today's workout: Jillian Michaels: Banish Fat and Boost Metabolism Complete Workout- 55min.

                             Meals:

Br- 1 c. Cheerios, 1/4c 1% milk, 1/4 banana (sliced)
Sn- 1 cup frozen mixed berries, 1 c. unsweetened almond milk, 1 packet Kim Kardashian Meal replacement. (blended in Magic Bullet)
Lu- Weight Watchers smart ones Portobello mushroom fajitas.
Sn- String cheese, Sun chips
Din- French dip on 100% whole wheat bun, 1 slice provolone, grilled onions, 3 slices lean roast beef, au ju., 1/2 mac salad.
Sn- 2 Milano cookies

Total calories according to MyFitnessPal: 1600


**This post was suppose to be submitted yesterday, I just forgot to finish writing it**