So this post has absolutely nothing to do with weight loss and everything to do with emotion. I had to write because I can't stop crying.
When you spend ten years getting to know someone you connect with on a deep level and invest an incredible amount of time building that relationship only for them to suddenly push you away without explanation, it cuts deep. It cuts even deeper when this person is family, not just a friend.
In fact, I don't know that I have ever felt so much pain or been so hurt by anyone in my life. EVER.
This is what I am going through with my sister-in-law. I loved her dearly. We worked together, laughed together, cried together. And I can't even explain in words what has transpired over the last 24 hours. I am confused and I feel like someone has punched me in the gut. This is the story from the beginning...
My sister-in-law owns a daycare on the other side of town. My son, who will be two soon has been showing signs that he's ready to interact with other kids. His cousin goes to a daycare directly across the street from our home and I was entertaining the fact that if I enrolled him a couple hours a day he could play with his cousin. That would give me a few hours to get some work done AND it's so close I could walk there (since we only have one vehicle right now). I decided to enroll him 3 hours a day, 3 days a week. Yesterday was literally his fourth day going and he came home with his artwork he so proudly wanted to display. I took a picture and posted it on Facebook sharing his creation with my friends. Immediately I get a text from my sister-in-law asking where he was going to preschool. I told her and explained that since I didn't have a car and it being so close was not only convenient but I liked that he already had a friend there.
Immediately I sensed tension. Within an hour she posts on facebook that she can't trust anyone, not even family. She stopped responding to me, deleted me from her Instagram AND her facebook. She deleted my husband from facebook and was ignoring all of my attempts to ask if she was okay or even if she would please talk to me.
The response I finally got was so unexpected and left me flabbergasted.
She accused me of "secretly" taking him to another daycare. That her reputation was at risk because they would ask why I wasn't taking my son to her (they don't even know we're related), she said I was using not having a car as an excuse to deliberately take him somewhere else. I told her I never kept it a secret where he was going and that it had nothing to do with her or her daycare and everything to do with what was convenient for my son and family at this time. She went on to say that she was done caring about anyone but her husband (my brother), her kids, and her parents. She said she was "eliminating anything that creates hurt feelings or heartache". I insisted that is impossible and that part of being happy involves surrounding yourself with friends even if that means risking getting hurt. She said she has all the family she needs (without me).
I feel like I've literally been chewed up and spit out. I feel like someone who was suppose to love me has disposed of me without explanation. She went on to say that she doesn't understand why I'm so hurt when she never felt that she was all that important in my life or a lot of my families lives anyway.
Again, a punch to the gut.
You always expect there will be a time when a friend betrays you and makes you feel like garbage, but never a family member.
I don't have many friends because I am so leery of being hurt. I have always built a wall around my emotions to protect myself from things like this. And I've spent years trying to break through that wall and let more people in.
Unfortunately my heart is heavy and my wounds are fresh. I have no more tears to cry yet it hurts more with every passing hour.
The wall remains.
