7 weeks post op!

I had my second follow up with my surgeon and nutritionist today- Everything went great. I have been really bad about taking my vitamins so that is one thing I have to start doing better. I had my first gain over Christmas. I'm not sure what it was but last week I was suddenly able to start eating more, which is great but at the same time, apparently its not LOL!


I was miserable from weeks 3-5. Now I am feeling normal again. I'm learning to eat a bite or two and let it settle and then another bite or two. 5 bites MAX and I stop because if I don't I get too full and it wants to come back up. I haven't thrown up yet but that's not something I am going for! I also need to start strength training. I got a yoga mat and a Jillian Michaels Yoga DVD so I am going to start doing that 3 days a week and strength training 3 days a week. I have one more month before I can have leafy lettuce. I cannot wait to have a salad!! Overall I am starting to feeling good about my appearance again. I feel comfortable and I haven't felt that way in a long time!

5 weeks Post op

Not much to talk about other than the fact that none of my clothes fit me! I may have to find a couple pairs of pants for work this weekend. I'm finally used to drinking my liquids constantly, which is something I never did before surgery. I still have a very strong gag reflex with certain smells and tastes but it is getting better. I am eating most everything as long as I chew it really well. Yesterday was my sons 3rd birthday. We had it at chucky cheese. I ate about two bites of topping from a piece of pizza. It wasn't as good as I remember, in fact most food doesn't taste the same. That is probably a good thing, but as someone who has used food as a crutch it is very traumatic and emotional. It's like losing a part of you. Sometimes I think how I would love to go out and have chips and salsa at a Mexican food restaurant. Or grab a cheeseburger without thinking twice. But unfortunately its habits like that which have forced me to make the decision to have surgery. After my sons party we went to Costco. It was a Saturday during the holidays at Costco....need I say more? Samples of every chocolate you could imagine, along with many other things I would have loved to eat before surgery. The only thing I sampled was a piece of roast. It was the first time I had tried steak. It was a bit to chewy for me so I threw it away. I didn't have a cupcake at the party although they smelled amazing and chocolate cupcakes are my favorite! I have days where my stomach is just not happy with anything, water, food, nothing! Yesterday was one of those days. Today it seems happy. Thankfully, because I have to work. Other than that I am down 47 pounds! Crazy! I started the mini pill because my periods have been awful and heavy!! I'm hoping it lessens my flow.


2 weeks til Christmas! How can that be!?

3 week post op appointment= DONE!

I am feeling so much better after last weeks dehydration episode. No more nausea. No more waking up exhausted. I am finally feeling human again. I'm officially on pureed and soft foods and I have been cleared for exercise. I have no energy for activity but my surgeon said he wants me to push through it anyway and build it up. So, that is what I shall do. I really want to start yoga so I may look into that. I am officially down 40 pounds! It feels so great to have that weight off! By butt is beginning to ache when I sit for long periods of time at work ( which I do). I'm also trying to walk around the building on my breaks. I started out in a 22/24 and I am now in an 18. I just bought a 1x jacket, which I haven't worn for years. My first goal is to be under 200, so 13 pounds to go! It will be the first time in 16 years that I have been at that weight. Unbelievable. Now I am just trying to figure out what my stomach can tolerate and what it can't. That's a challenge. I can't wait to have peperoni sticks or nuts!


This has definitely been the most challenging thing I have ever gone through. It was necessary and it was definitely time!

19 days post op- Rough week!!!

 Well, my week started out on Monday waking up to intense nausea and fatigue. I started feeling better toward the end of the day so I went to work and powered through it. Tuesday wasn't much better. I almost went home early but I somehow managed to make it through my 10 hr. shift. I had the next 4 days off and Wednesday my husband wanted to go get a few things so we went to Target and within minutes I was trying everything I could not to pass out. I was lightheaded, nauseated, I was having heart palpitations and shortness of breath. It was awful. Thursday was thanks giving and I started feeling a little better but I was still sick to my stomach. I took my blood pressure a few times at home and it was REALLY low. Like, the lowest its ever been for me. I got up and tried making breakfast but I thought I was going to pass out again so I decided enough was enough and had my husband take me to the ER.


After blood tests, urine tests and an EKG they discovered I was really dehydrated. Everything else came back looking good, no anemia, which I had originally thought, So I was relieved to hear that. They pumped me full of fluids and within an hour I was up and walking around! I do feel better but my stomach has been all jacked since that episode. Nothing sounds good. Everything makes me gag-even popsicles. I was able to drink a tiny glass of milk this evening but I can't say that completely agreed with me.


My tastes are changing. I can tell. Things that I used to like before, I don't like anymore. I used to love the flavor of cherry and now I just can't stand it. Its both frustrating and weird.


Its days like these that I can't help but pray that this is all worth it and I made the right choice.

10 days post-op- feeling great!!

I cannot believe its been almost 2 weeks since my surgery! I have one week left until I can start pureed foods. I am really feeling great- I'm finally able to drink without getting crazy bubbles in my stomach. Now I am trying to push my protein shakes and water. Todays goal is to drink an entire Isopure drink, a vitamin water and a bottle of water. That would be huge for me. I have really struggled with getting in my protein and water. I just cant seem to do it. I have to take a sip every minute or so to get them in and before I realize it, it's been two hours since my last sip. I also can't believe how fast this weight is coming off. Last time I was on the scale I was down just under 30#'s since starting my pre op diet Oct. 23rd. So that's 4 weeks! I wont weight myself again until Monday.


I need to start walking. But I wont start that until Sunday when I get back to work. I am counting down the days until I can start pureed foods. I simply cannot wait!!!!

1 week post op!

Hello world! I am feeling great and excited to say I am down a total of 27 pounds! 18 was lost during my 2.5 week pre-op liquid diet and 9 pounds in the first week post op. I am really feeling like a new person is beginning to emerge. I spent an hour this morning organizing my closet and going to through clothes that I am happy to say no longer fit me. And some of my clothes that were snug on me I can now wear. So YAY! I can't wait to go shopping although I am at least going to wait another month, if I can. My incisions are itchy and I must have had a reaction to the adhesive they used because my belly has a rash where they stuck the bandages during my surgery. I got out of the house most of the weekend and did some Christmas shopping with my husband and I think that has really helped me. I have one more week off work. I probably didn't need to take as much time off but I wanted to have it off just in case.


Life is good!

4 days post op

I'm starting to feel somewhat normal again. The pain is nothing like I had imagined. I've had zero nausea, and the only pain I've had is around my largest incision. Every time I drink anything I get trapped air and that hurts like a mother. Hiccups are very uncomfortable but manageable. I just cannot wait till I can move on to pureed food; applesauce, cottage cheese, eggs! My mouth waters just thinking about it. 2 weeks to go...the light at the end of the tunnel is starting to appear. I cannot wait to be able to eat normal foods. Right now I can eat about 1/2 a jello cup and I'm stuffed. My sleeve holds about 2 oz right now. As the swelling goes down I'm sure it will hold a little more than that. I had a drain tube that left a gaping hole on the side of my stomach and that's gross to see. Its been covered with a bandage but I just changed it and it looks so gross. My muscles are very sore and it feels much like after I had my c-section. I remember everyday I felt better and better and just like this surgery every day I feel like I can do a little more than the day before. I weighed myself 2 days after surgery and I was up 4 pounds but I know that was from all the IV's. I weighed again this morning and I am back down 3. I wont weigh myself again until Monday which will be exactly one week post op. I can't believe a week has almost gone by. It's crazy!


It seems the weeks leading up to surgery went by at a snails pace and now the days fly by! My post op apt with my surgeon is in 2 weeks. so we'll see what the scale officially says.

Surgery was a sucess!!

Finally, my day came. Surgery day!! The one I've been waiting for, for 7 years. So yesterday I checked into the hospital at 10- filled out some paperwork and waited in the lobby until I was called back. I was nervous, I will admit it! I got on my gown and waited.....and waited. My husband needed to go get our son at daycare so he couldn't stay but my mom stayed with me. They tried to put an IV in my left hand and ended up blowing out 2 veins, bruised my hand and had to call someone else to do it. So they also couldn't get a good vein in my other hand so they had to use my fore arm. After I filled out a few more consent forms the nurse asked me if I was read for some "happy juice". I had no idea what she was referring to but I gladly accepted the invitation because my nerves were going crazy.


Within a couple minutes of adding the "happy juice" to my IV I felt like I had just drank 2 bottles of wine. After that I don't remember much....I remember my mom leaving the room and getting wheeled back into the OR with those huge and bright lights. They scooted me onto the operating table. The anesthesiologist asked me a few questions about my kids, I felt them strap my arms down and place a mask on my face...and thats IT!


I started to wake up in recovery and everyone saying my name out loud and it took me hours before I was no longer groggy. I did have some pain and my lungs felt like they were on fire but it subsided within a few hours. The most painful part was my throat from the breathing tube. The night of the surgery I didn't get any sleep. The nurses kept coming in every half hour giving me pain meds and suppositories (hated that so much). On top of that every time my heart rate would drop under 50 from being asleep the machine would start beeping, which was every time I dosed off. UGH! I just wanted to sleep!!! I discovered I had a drainage tube running from my stomach out of my skin with a bulb syringe. That was gross.


So this morning was more meds and more walking around. My parents came to visit and I ended up being discharged while they were there. They brought me a shake for breakfast and another for lunch. They were disgusting! So I hardly drank any of them. My Dr. said everything went great, no complications. My starting weight after surgery is 237. Now, that is according to the hospitals scale which I have never weighed on before. My scale at home said 235.4. So I am going to use that one since that's the one I will use for my pre-op loss. It was 17.4 lbs total.


I am so ready to start this journey, FINALLY!

Pre-op diet day 15- Is it EVER going to get here??

Seriously, the last month has been the longest month of my life. I am convinced Monday is never going to come. It's all I can think about. I just want to do this already! I only have 3 more days of work and surgery day will be here. Until then I'll keep chugging along. My mom wants to be there, which makes me feel good. It will be nice to have her there. I took 13 days off work to recover, my husband will be home with me the first 3 days and after that I am hoping to feel somewhat human. Hunger makes me so frustrated. I've always been able to give in to my hunger and cravings and now all the sudden I am not able to do that and its so irritating. Finding ways to tell myself I can't eat is difficult to say the least but it's temporary....3 days to go!!

Pre-op diet day 13

I'm officially down 13 pounds! I couldn't be happier with that number. A pound a day! I'll take it! The countdown has officially begun till surgery-a week from today. Wow, I cannot believe the day is finally approaching. I am excited, nervous, a bit scared but mostly anxious to get it done and out of the way. My mom gave me an Origami Owl charm necklace for starting my journey. I love it!! If you haven't seen them they are basically a clear locket that you put tiny charms in. She got me a birth stone for each of my kids, the year 2014 for the year of my surgery, the word "strength", an hourglass because time will pass, sooner or later, and the last charm says "follow your dreams". It really signifies my journey through this entire process and I hope to add a charm every year on my "surg-iversary" date.


Now I need to figure out what to pack for the hospital...

Pre-op Appointment with surgeon=DONE!

I met with my surgeon this morning. We went over my Biopsy results from my endoscopy. I do have a stomach infection so he is putting me on antibiotics but he said the infection wont hinder my surgery. So that was a relief. I'm starting to feel excited and upbeat- I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel! I was telling him how much the pre-op diet really shows you how much we depend on food for everything; emotions, functionality, feelings, socialization. Its all connected and somehow we have to re-direct all of those things away from food and channel it into something different. It's hard. Especially when food is what you've relied on for so long.


6 days to go! I don't have to do clear liquids 2 days before, so yay, I guess....

Pre-op Diet Day 11

The days are going by, but very slowly. I am so over this liquid diet but I know I still have a very long way to go since for 2 weeks after surgery I will be on all liquids again. UGH! I am just so ready to get this over with. I meet with my surgeon in 2 days for my final pre-op appt. I weighed myself and I am down 9 pounds since starting. I would be lying if I said I haven't cheated, because I have. I am a hypocrite, I know, but I feel if I can't come clean on my own blog, then why have it? This has been the hardest thing I have ever done-mentally and emotionally.


I started thinking the other day that I really think there is more to this pre-op diet than just dropping weight and shrinking your liver. I think the main purpose of this diet is to identify your triggers and recognize your weak moments before you go through the surgery. Its an opportunity to give you a taste of what it will be like after surgery and give an opportunity to change your mind. Otherwise you wouldn't know how hard it really is until after your surgery and then its too late.


I only have 5 more days of work until surgery day....someone find the fast forward button!

Pre-op diet: Day 6

It feels like this pre-op diet will never end. I am so over it and ready to get the surgery over with. I dread the shakes, I don't even want to drink them, I would rather just skip them but I know I can't do that.


Yesterday I was feeling very emotional again. I spent 10 minutes crying in the shower and then I was fine. A few minutes later I was crying again. My emotions are all over the place and its frustrating. I called my nutritionist today because I am starting to gag on the shakes. She suggested Kefir as an alternative. I will have to go look for those on payday. I also might just try the pre-mad shakes as the clumps of mix are what make me gag.


I left work early last night to catch up on my sleep. I feel better. I have just been so exhausted lately which is weird. I just have no energy. I slept for 10 1/2 hours last night so I am feeling much more refreshed. I will be glad when I am done with this phase! It's AWEFUL!!!


I meet with my surgeon in 1 week for my last pre-op appointment. So thankful its almost here!

Pre-op diet day 4

Well, things are chugging along as far as my liquid diet goes. I have found ways to make the shakes a little more tolerable, but they still don't hit the spot. I usually exceed my daily calories by around 56, but the scale is going down. I typically have a shake for breakfast, some broth or tomato soup for lunch another before I go to work and my last shake around 10pm. I am getting about 90 grams of protein in a day so that's definitely good.


I hit an emotional period at the end of day two and part of day 3 where I just felt like I will never be able to have food again, which is not true. Since I am getting the sleeve surgery, not the gastric bypass I will still be able to eat any foods I want eventually but just in much smaller quantities, which is what I need. I just needed to do a quick update. I feel very tired and don't have much energy-just blah really, but I did notice today I don't feel as bloated. I cannot wait to be done with the pre-op diet- IT SUCKS!! But its necessary and this too shall pass.

Day 2 of 19 of Liquid diet.... and a rant

Well, I made it past my 1st day on all liquids. Not a morsel of food! I did have a s/f 12oz single latte- but I just counted that as my milk for the day. My goal is 800-1000 calories per day- I exceeded that by 52. Not a huge deal! Not like I indulged in Chinese food or a cheeseburger. Which brings me to my rant...


I am just floored at the lack of commitment from some people who will be having surgery! I mean seriously! You made the decision to take this extra step in an effort to be healthy and  lose weight- TAKE IT SERIOUSLY. It's just amazing to me that people think its okay to go off their recommended diets for even a day when they know they aren't supposed to and then they post something on facebook asking for approval from others about how they cheated. NO, its not okay that you had a momentary lapse of judgment and ate solid food when you are on a liquids only diet! Get a freakin' grip! If you cant handle the pre-op diet, you probably aren't going to do very good after surgery either....Okay, I'm stepping off my soap box. It just makes me so dang irritated that people take advantage of this opportunity. I have waited 7 long years for this chance and you better believe I am not going to put this opportunity in jeopardy for just another bite of cheesecake!


I have 18 more days of liquids. It is not going to be easy but I am going to do this. I lived through 17 hours of child birth, an emergency C-section, I have a teenager and a toddler, I can live through this too! I am strong and I am capable.




**Disclaimer** Do not come on MY blog and leave a comment about how I shouldn't care what other people do. This is MY blog, MY Thoughts, MY opinions. Don't like it. Don't read :)

Nutritionist/Shrink appt= DONE!!

Today I met with the nutritionist and the psychiatrist. Everything went well, although I am still a little nervous that we haven't got the confirmation from my insurance yet. They seem to think I shouldn't have any problems because they are supposedly one of the easiest insurance companies to approve bariatric surgery for weight loss. (Fingers Crossed!!)


I started my pre-op diet today:
3-4 protein shakes, broth, tomato soup, s/f popsicles, s/f jello or pudding.


I just had my first shake. It wasn't bad. I added sugar free caramel syrup to it and it made the flavor better. They told me that they usually like to see a 10% weight loss before surgery, however, I only have 2 1/2 weeks to do it so I will be lucky to make half that!


I'm not a fan of shakes but with the syrup they really aren't bad. I haven't gagged yet :)
My next appointment is my Pre-op with my surgeon on Nov. 4th- less than 2 weeks away! OMG!!!

Endoscopy= Success!

This morning I had to be at the hospital at 7:30. I filled out some paperwork, paid my co-pay and they put on my hospital bracelets. I was then taken back to give a urine sample and then put into my room where I changed into a gown. They started an IV and I sat there and waited for about 35 min.


While I was sitting there I started thinking about this entire process and how long I have waited for it. Not once did I question my decision. And that is how I know this is the right decision for me.


Finally, around 8:35 a nurse came and wheeled me into the OR. She attached my blood pressure cuff, sprayed this AWEFULL tasting numbing spray into my mouth (which I gaged on), and then she added the sedative into my IV. They quickly instructed me turn onto my left side and within seconds I was out. I do, however, have one specific short and very fuzzy memory of gagging on the instrument as it went down my esophagus and I believe my doctor told me to swallow. Other than that the next thing I remember I was back in my recovery room waking up.


They found 3 benign ulcers so they did 3 biopsies. I should get the results back in 10 days. Overall, the procedure went well and I was home sleeping within 30 minutes. Other than a lot of grogginess and a little sore throat it wasn't bad.


I meet with the nutritionist and the shrink in two days....3 weeks till surgery!

Endoscopy in 24 hours!! It's gettin'real!

Monday is my endoscopy. I am a little nervous but mostly just want to get this over with. I am starting to feel like this whole process has been way too easy and something is bound to go wrong. I meet with the nutritionist and the psych Dr. Wednesday, and surgery is in 3 weeks!! I am getting super excited and cannot seem to think about much else, really. I have been buying a few things here and there but for the most art I am trying to wait until I hear from the nutritionist so I know what to get.


Oddly enough I am not very sad at the thought of missing food. I really am taking it a lot better than I thought I would. And maybe it just hasn't hit me yet because I know I can still have it now if I want it. I am committed to following my Dr.'s suggestions and NOT cheating around the timeline they are giving me. I have spent my entire life cheating on every diet I've done and I'm not about to go through all of this just to cheat yet again. I have to be patient and trust the process.


I have been looking for a necklace with an anchor pendant on it and engraving "I refuse to sink- 11/10/14" to wear as a reminder of how much I have gone through and that every day I will be faced with challenges- but it's how I choose to handle those challenges that really matters. I can choose to sink, or I can choose to swim. And I will always choose to swim!

I've waited 7 years for this news...

Seven years ago I made an appointment with a weight loss surgeon. I had high hopes of having surgery, losing weight, getting healthy and in turn becoming happy. Unfortunately, my insurance at the time would not cover the surgery. So for the next 7 years I yo-yoed up and down with my weight. Losing 35, gaining 40-losing another 24, gaining 30. Here we are today...I am now on blood pressure medication and have increased cholesterol and higher blood sugar. All which could have been avoided had I been able to have surgery. In some ways I am glad that It didn't happen. I mean it really was a blessing in disguise. Because at the time I was really wanting to have the Lap Band because it was "reversible". Which in my mind meant if anything went wrong it could be taken out and everything would go back to the way it was. 7 years later the surgeon I went to before doesn't even do the band any longer because of the complications they caused and how damaging it was to peoples internal organs.


I went back to that same surgeon to inquire about the sleeve gastrectomy on October 1st. Anticipating a long and drawn out process I was shocked to hear that not only was my insurance one of the best ones to have for bariatric surgery, but they also scheduled my surgery date right then and there. I am in shock and disbelief that things are happening so fast! It's finally my turn! I keep thinking "what's going to go wrong now, there must be something that comes up.


In one week I go in for my endoscopy and I meet with the nutritionist along with the mental health physician. I just can't believe this is all happening finally. I cannot wait to get this over with and start my new life with my new tool. I have been thinking constantly about the struggle it will be to no longer rely food for, well, everything! Its sort of like losing a friend. Food has always been there for me. It's never judged me. It makes me feel a sense of satisfaction. But all of those things have a drawback. With that comes an uncomfortable feeling, an unhealthy body, low self esteem and a dislike for clothes shopping. I'm ready for that to all change! I'm ready to say goodbye to what I once thought was my "friend" and hello to new adventures and building new, healthier relationships with an active lifestyle. I started making a list of all the things I want to do once I lose weight; riding a bike, fitting in roller coasters, climbing the rock wall, sitting with my legs crossed. Some of these things are the simplest things to the average size person but next to impossible for someone who is obese. I will add the list to the side bar and check them off as I complete each one.


This is my last week and a half eating all of the crap that has gotten me here....and so the food funeral begins.

Day 2- The stuggle

Well, yesterday ended with me fighting all the obnoxious voices in my head telling me to eat something I shouldn't. If you have never been overweight then you couldn't possibly relate to these voices. Knowing there is something unhealthy in the house that I can eat makes these voices amplified until I finally give in. Well, not last night. I fought them. HARD. At one point I said screw it and walked over to the kitchen. I remembered we had a package of Twinkies left in the pantry. These Twinkies were not just speaking to me, they were screaming for me. It seemed like the only way to get them out of my head was to eat them. But I didn't. Instead I spread a tablespoon of PB on a half a banana. Craving over.


Today hasn't been as great only because during my attempt at working out my toddler decided he was going to do everything possible to distract me from my workout. He was getting into EVERYTHING! He screamed the entire 50 minutes of my workout yesterday and today I was lucky to get 25 minutes in because of his craziness. UGH. This is why I need a gym membership, so I can concentrate on my workout and only my workout. Twinkies and toddlers. It's just part of the struggle.

Todays workout: Zumba, 25 min.

Meals

Br: 1 c. cheerios, 1/2 banana, 1/4 cup milk

Snack: String cheese, 6 green olives, mandarin oranges

Lunch: iceberg and spinach salad with baked chicken

Snack: Handful of Cheetos, 2 carrots

Dinner: 100% whole wheat bun, spicy veggie chic patty, 1 slice provolone, lettuce.

Snack: 2 Milano cookies

Total calorie count according to MyFitnessPal:

Zero week- My 100 day challenge (DAY 1)

I have been on many diets and have lost weight countless times. I've considered weight loss surgery and used pills and potions I thought would make me thin. As much as I believed those methods would work for me, I didn't completely believe in myself. I didn't commit to myself. Over the last couple of days I have realized that in order to lose weight- regardless of how I choose to do it, I am responsible for every pound lost, bead of sweat, set back, and the end result. Although I have always known that no one can do this for me, it has finally clicked that it is my responsibility. It's my battle, my problem, and my challenge to overcome. Medical intervention may or may not help me. The only person who can do this is me.
Not long ago I found a video of this girl, much like myself. She was overweight and tired of trying various methods only to end up back at square one. She committed to 100 days of working out and in that process lost weight. I can't remember how much weight, but it was significant enough to be noticeable. I have always envied the hard core weight loss bloggers who have dedicated themselves to their commitment and blogged the entire way from fat to healthy. I want that. I want to inspire people. But most of all I want to be healthy...and happy. I have been soul searching over the last few weeks trying to find some type of motivation or belief within myself that I can lose 94 pounds. So, I decided to do my own 100 day challenge. I am challenging myself to eating healthy and exercising for 100 days straight. This first week is zero week because I always sabotage myself at the end of the first week. It takes me a few days to re-adjust my thinking and eating habits when starting a new regimen. Today is day one.
Today's workout: Jillian Michaels: Banish Fat and Boost Metabolism Complete Workout- 55min.

                             Meals:

Br- 1 c. Cheerios, 1/4c 1% milk, 1/4 banana (sliced)
Sn- 1 cup frozen mixed berries, 1 c. unsweetened almond milk, 1 packet Kim Kardashian Meal replacement. (blended in Magic Bullet)
Lu- Weight Watchers smart ones Portobello mushroom fajitas.
Sn- String cheese, Sun chips
Din- French dip on 100% whole wheat bun, 1 slice provolone, grilled onions, 3 slices lean roast beef, au ju., 1/2 mac salad.
Sn- 2 Milano cookies

Total calories according to MyFitnessPal: 1600


**This post was suppose to be submitted yesterday, I just forgot to finish writing it**