It's time

Today wasn't an ordinary day. Today it occurred to me that I must make a change. My life is passing me by one short day at a time. I watched Extreme Makeover: Weight loss tonight and the girl, Ashley, who was chosen to be on the show was much like me. She knew what she had to do. She didn't want to do it because she understood how much hard work and dedicating she was facing. She lost a baby because of her weight struggles, as I did. And she blamed herself, as I did. Her journey struck a chord with me and her struggles reminded me of how I struggle. Everyday is an opportunity to do something better than the day before. I wake up everyday with good intentions, but intentions are just thoughts not being put into motion. I watched her transform. I watched her struggles and her setbacks and while she was making progress I could see myself in her. It's funny because as an obese person I want to lose weight and be healthy so bad. I want to wake up every morning feeling good about myself, but instead I stay in my house hiding behind the walls and neglecting to make a change. I've officially hit rock bottom today. I found out a few hours ago that a girl that I was good friends with in middle school took her own life yesterday. I have many memories of her and the trouble we got into. The summers we would spend hanging out in her rec room. And it hit me that life is too fucking short to wake up everyday wondering the what ifs and the should haves. I  refuse to wait another day to neglect myself, my health, my kids. I'm sick of being the fat mom, the obese wife who hides behind excuses for not attending my husbands work functions. So, I am writing this post to officially say...it's time.